Confessions of a “Fixer”

Do you enjoy helping others? Perhaps you even feel called to be in service to others?

If so,  how much weight do you put on your ability to solve their problems?  

Do you measure your value based on the tools and/or knowledge you bring in any given dilemma?

While your heart’s desire to be helpful can seem a positive trait, it can be quite destructive, especially if you enter this space with an aim to ‘fix’ anyone or anything. 

I should know; I am a professed fixer who only recently learned the power of a more impactful and positive approach to assistance. 

As a coach and consultant with over 20 plus years of training and hands-on experience, I can quickly jump to templates, frameworks, and tools to help my clients break down their blindspots or decode an issue they’re having. I pride myself on always having something of value to offer. Yet, in thinking this, I discovered that I could be making a big mistake. 

The misstep?  I’m assuming my value is in what I know versus who I am being. 

Carl Jung said it best, “Please remember it is what you are that heals, not what you know.” 

It is only when we drop all our tools and knowledge that we can enter the space of pure presence for another - and allow them to truly be understood.

It is only when we bypass our ego and start with a beginner’s mindset (knowing nothing) and choosing to listen deeply, with curiosity, that the person opposite us can find their best choices. 

Step back and take that in. Nothing is required of you to be an amazing helper…other than your heart.

So the next time you’re called to help someone, can you suspend your belief that you need more information and simply show up with love? 

If you must know more, ask questions that only the person before you can provide the answers. 

Ask how it feels to be in the other person’s shoes? (Never assume you know.)

Ask what they’re struggling with and how it makes them feel.

Ask what they’d like to feel instead. 

Ask them how they might get there. 

Assume nothing. 

Listen deeply. 

Be you, the loving ‘don’t-need-to-have-all-the-answers’ you. 

See what changes. 

(Funny thing - odds are, with such little experience required, you’ll likely even volunteer your services more often.)

This is the kind of fixing the world needs most. 

Here’s to showing up not as an accomplished fixer but someone with a giant heart and listening ear.