On Getting What You Want From Others.

Are you often frustrated by people who don’t do as you ask?

Do you feel like a broken record, repeating the same tune over and over and over again?

(As an aside, if you haven’t gotten to the place of being able to ask for what you want, we seriously need to talk!)

Here are 3 key ingredients to improve your success rate, to having others deliver just what you want every time (or at least a lot more often).

1) An ugly truth. It’s not likely about them.

If you often hear yourself thinking, “Why don’t they get it? How many times do I have to tell them?” - it is truly, likely a problem that begins with the ask.

If this resonates, listen up!

Take responsibility. Own the fact that you aren’t communicating well. No harm, no foul. Just own it.

And here’s the good news. I’m about to give you the one hack that will dramatically improve your success rate for getting what you ask.

It’s just what generalists like you haven’t realized till now.

2) Get specific. Get very specific.

For more than 20 years now, I’ve been listening to the complaints of many of my clients on this very issue. Today, I was reminded in a session that this problem plagues us all until we know better.

Here’s a wild fact. When you aren’t specific, it keeps you from being responsible. (Think: A psychological game you’re playing in your unconscious realms).

If you often speak in vague terms, you’re not providing a ‘handle’ onto which someone can grab and get to work. Instead, you’re actually passing the heavy lifting onto others to figure out. Then, when they don’t deliver, you get angry or frustrated.

Did you actually tell them what SPECIFICALLY you wanted - in a way that it is completely clear how to take action and get to a successful outcome?

The more you play with this, the more obvious it becomes. Not sure? Ask a friend.

Or record your conversations and meetings and decipher how much you speak in grandiose terms versus tangible, actionable terms.

3) Outline your desired outcomes to address 3 learning styles.

This last step is a Ninja move and takes more concentration and practice but, if you’re up for REALLY improving your communication, try this.

Everyone will approach the solution based on their own, primary learning style. Presenting your case in each of these three ways helps ensure your vision is agreed upon and more enthusiastically embraced.

Group 1- Concrete Steps Lovers.

Taking time to provide granular, step-by-step actions is needed to get to a successful end goal.

These types, in particular, short circuit if you expect them to interpret vague plans.

Group 2 - Concept Lovers.

If your instructions can leave room for personal interpretation, outline what success might look like while emphasizing ‘this is just an example of what I would consider acceptable”. They respond really well to diagrams and frames. In this scenario, be prepared to give credit for individual interpretation within a margin of error.

Group 3 - Emotional Connectors.

For these folks, it’s important to ask, “How does this feel? ” “Do you align with what we’re trying to achieve?” “Are you on board with me here?”

You’ll also want to circle back and see how they’re feeling about the progress they’re making and be open to listening to their experience of the process.

You’re not crazy; people just respond better to different kinds of instruction.

With these three approaches addressed, you’re bound to be far more specific than ever.

From here, you’ll find that giving more details or directions for your expectations creates far more success and less frustration for everyone involved.

If you’re struggling with your own leadership style and how best to motivate your people...

I’d love to support you. We’re only as successful as our weakest link, so let’s dive in and find the places where you and/or your team needs insights.