Have You Stopped Desiring?

When was the last time you allowed yourself to pursue your deep desires?

Have you even asked yourself lately what would light you up? What, if possible for you, would bring you feelings of bliss?  

Too often when working with my female clients, when we discuss what they’d create if they had all the power in the world to do so, they don’t have an answer. What seems even more ominous to me is that they don’t realize that not having big desires is quite alarming.  

For several years, my work was focused almost exclusively to supporting women going through divorce. One of the most powerful tools to getting through the process whole and even better off involved having a vision for what was possible with their new, clean slate. I was surprised to discover that the majority could not fathom much beyond their current reality.  

It wasn’t until recently that I became aware of the cause and effect of this lack of desire.  

I’ve been reading a book by Dr. Valerie Rein called, “Patriarchy Stress Disorder” and I’m exceptionally intrigued by the perspective presented on subjugation. Women, who for centuries have been taught to be less than her male counterparts, have slowly become disenchanted with dreaming…or at least dreaming big. It’s been programmed out of us.  

Do you find this as threatening as I do?

It is our desire that opens the door to possibilities. Without possibilities, we lose hope and our will to thrive.  

I’m out to change this dynamic. The work that I do in my private sessions and groups is all about empowering women to step fully into their genius. There is no genius that leaves out our will.  

This isn’t about self-development work that reinforces that something is wrong with you and needs to be fixed. And no positive mindset work will do the job. We are actually dealing with deep-seated trauma. Most women don’t dream because it doesn’t feel safe to want more.

There are associations with pain, failure, and punishment subconsciously programmed into us that sets off alarm bells when we decide to step up and request more. And thus, we feed an unending cycle of repression.  

Instead, we have to learn how to feel safe in our bodies.
We have to learn how to self-regulate and learn to recognize the messages and patterns our inner world delivers. Then, and only then, can we lean into our intuition and access the inner confidence and courage to be fully expressed.  

Have you spent thousands on a myriad of programs to help you find your voice, to create impact, or perhaps a new business, but found yourself still stuck in the shadows when the course was complete? Or maybe you sabotage yourself in relationships by attracting partners who will never treat you with the love, honor, and respect you deserve? You are a victim of the trauma that I’m talking about.  It’s sneaky stuff - the kind that lives deep in our subconscious and prone to strike just as we begin to get comfortable in our beauty, our confidence, and power.  

How can you begin to get your power back and feel safe in your body, in your world?

Here are four simple steps: 

Grounding - Spend time noticing the weight of your feet on the ground. Pretend you have roots growing out of your feet that connect you with the earth. Try to feel the sensations of your feet connecting to the earth and the gravitational pull. See if you can shift your attention and weight into the lower half of your body. Too much of our time is spent in our heads which only continues the cycle of abuse. Our bodies are truth-tellers. This is where we get accurate information and grounding is the starting place.  

Breathe - There are many ways to breathe in order to create calm in our bodies. Breath work allows us to override the Sympathetic Nervous System’s response to stress. A simple technique is to inhale deeply for 4 counts and then exhale slowly for 8 counts. Try to incorporate more breath work throughout your day.  

Cultivate body awareness - Notice sensations in your body and just witness them with curiosity. Instead of creating a story around why you feel what you feel, just observe and see if you can begin to trust the sensations provided. Our bodies are wise beyond our imagination. When we learn to feel deeply and trust our feelings and bodily sensations, we’re given sage answers for our journey to healing.  

Connect with your heart - There is nothing more powerful to bring us back in to coherence with our truth, our power, our authentic nature and desires than the wisdom of the heart. Spend time in quiet, listening for your inner guidance, the God within, so you can be reminded of what's real and all you're capable of.

The healing process can be surprisingly fast when met with the right support and safe conditions. Are you ready to begin the deep work that will finally allow you to access your deepest desires? I’m here to help!