Bend your rules & win!

How do you feel about rules? 

Do you think rules are mere guidelines to be challenged?

Or do you think rules should be followed diligently, requiring literal translation? 

Your stance on rules is an important determinant of what you experience in life and (this might surprise you), perhaps not in a good way. 

When working with my clients, we often discuss their belief system regarding rules.

How you approach rules tells me a lot about how open you are (or are not) to other ideas and to change. 

Tony Robbins is famous for saying, ``What's more important to you - your rules or your results?” I’ve asked myself this question for more than 20 years since first hearing this. I use it as a touchstone in all scenarios where I’m placing a lot of expectations. 

Here are a few examples of rigid rule following that tend to be the landmines for those I serve.

Example 1: A working mom divides the household duties with her spouse. Instead of allowing her partner to do things the way they choose, the mom takes a rigid stance on the exact timing of the chores and specific ways each item must be performed. Her “rules” around how things “should’ be done frustrates her partner so her partner decides not to even attempt to contribute anymore. Why bother? Afterall, how can he ever please her? A fight ensues. This is a great example of how rules get in the way of the outcome you desire. 

Example 2: A leader in an organization who is a ‘big picture’ thinker frequently struggles to articulate their vision.  When a project is in the works, this leader may often find himself embattled with his staff. It’s not that they aren’t trying or even doing the work required. What is happening is that the leader had in his mind a specific path to success and either didn’t communicate what ‘done looks like’ or, worse, didn’t take into account that others might have a better way of reaching the finish line and/or delivering an even improved vision. 

Example 3: A team is pushing to meet a deadline when a client crisis occurs. Everyone knows to drop what they’re doing and focus on the emergency at hand. But when the dust settles and the team, exhausted from addressing the pressing priority, begins to pack up to go home, the manager harshly reminds them of the looming deadline. She insists everyone stay and work overtime to ensure that their leadership isn’t disappointed.  The problem here? The manager could easily ask for leeway, all things considered. Not everything needs to be treated like a crisis. 

Do any of these scenarios sound familiar to you? Are you guilty of similar behavior?

Having a static view of exactly how things must be done is arrogant IMHO. It leaves no room for others’ ideas, opinions, or priorities. 

The ‘my way or the highway’ means no one wins. 

Can you leave an opening for things to be done another way, a way other than your own?  What magic might occur if you were to loosen your rules and expect new (even better) results? 

If you hold tight to your opinions and rules, my bet is you experience a lot of anxiety and frustration. Let me help you end that and get to the next, higher level of life. It’s easier and closer than you think. My clients say they wished they’d started this work sooner. See if you concur. Reach out HERE and grab a complimentary session to test drive how great it can feel to loosen your collar and get better results with less work. 

PS: There are places and times when sticking to the rules is imperative.
Work situations that involve safety hazards, legal protocols, and heavy research are all great examples where understanding and embracing the rules is essential to positive results. 

But if there is the opportunity, in other scenarios, to stretch the margins of how to approach a goal, try to loosen your grip. Your colleagues, friends and family will thank you, as will your soul. After all, a good life requires surrender and trust.