Your feedback matters!

How good are you at receiving critical feedback? 

And how good are you at giving it?

Being able to maintain your dignity and the respect for others when the heat is turned up and disagreements are prevalent is an essential skill for leaders (and good humans). 

Too many leaders feel their authority gives them the right to say what’s on their mind, unfiltered, as if there aren’t any real consequences because they are the boss. Do you find you do this?

What you might not realize is that your reputation, the trust of your team, and potentially your career is at stake when you behave so carelessly. Bad feedback can destroy someone for life. Do you really want to be responsible for this outcome?

Knowing we’re all under loads of stress these days, I want to give you some valuable insights on how to become a superhero with critical feedback. You never know when/where this will come in handy. 

First, it’s important to note that, when stressed, your body will have an immediate and natural response -  it switches to defense mode. This defense mode causes your ‘fight or flight’ reaction, either of which only decreases the chances for a positive outcome.

To be great at the game of productive feedback, ensure you take time to get calm. Spend some time working with your favorite grounding techniques and ensure that you’re able to feel your feet on the ground and yourself in your body. 

Next, practice these 6 Tools for Productive Feedback to help ensure a more positive resolution. 

1 Remain neutral. 

This is hard, I know; yet, deciding to be in an unbiased state for all such discussions greatly enhances your chances for new understanding and reconciliation. Any time you catch yourself shifting into judgment, (i.e., I’m being attacked, what I have to say doesn’t matter, this person doesn’t care as much as I do, etc) take a deep breath and choose to shift to neutral ground where there is no ‘wrong’ or ‘right’ - there is only reaching for understanding.

2 Assume the best. 

Too often, when you hear troublesome feedback, you likely immediately think that the messenger isn’t considering your best interests. What if you are wrong? Deciding to see the good intentions of others can quickly shift our ability to stay open-minded and listen more fully. You might be surprised by what you learn! If giving the feedback, start with something positive to show that you can see the best in them. 

3 See things from another perspective. 

We all see things only from our own perspective, unless we train ourselves to see beyond this limited scope. Building from the ‘remain neutral’ stance, take a seat on the same side of the table as the person with whom you’re engaging. Consciously make a concerted effort to understand where they are coming from. You might be surprised how easily and quickly tension dissolves by doing so. 

4 Listen fully.

This one seems obvious, but in today’s technology addicted age, it bears emphasis. Ensure that all your devices are turned off and out of sight. Give the person you’re speaking to your undivided attention. Make eye contact. Try to see if you can listen so intently that you could easily repeat back to them what they said. In fact, try it. When they’ve finished speaking, say, “If I heard you correctly, you said…”  Ask them to confirm if you got this right. 

5 Own your part.

We all make mistakes and/or act out of foolishness. Be willing to own and ask for forgiveness for your errors. The most respected leaders I know aren’t afraid to be vulnerable and admit their faults and missteps. When they do, they gain exponential respect from their people. 

Practice saying, “I made a mistake and I’d like to make this up to you.” Then follow through on your word. 

6 Get their reply.

Often, people rush to conclude and escape these tough discussions. Don’t assume that you’re both on the same page just because you gave this your best shot. The closure is the most important step to lasting change moving forward. Get them to share (again) what they heard, how they now feel, and importantly, decide together how you wish to proceed. 

I’m a huge fan of EQ (Emotional Intelligence) training. EQ helps us increase our capacity to be great humans, especially when navigating tough circumstances in life. If you’d like to learn more inner personal techniques to bring out the best in your own leadership, reach out HERE. I’ll happily provide you with several additional, proven strategies to ensure you’re shining bright while leaving a legacy of positivity wherever you go. 

To you and your vulnerable, real awesomeness!