The cost of caring too much.

Are you a habitually caring person? 

Do you feel it’s important to run to the aid of others often?

Is your inner radar tuned to high-alert and constantly aware of those who require assistance?

And, if you’ve answered “yes” to any of the above questions, you likely find yourself exhausted and (let’s admit it) sometimes resentful of how much time and energy you dedicate to helping others. You also likely believe you seldom get the thanks you deserve. Am I right? 

How many relationships will be damaged in the wake of your caring? 

How much longer are you willing to live like this? 

Truth time. If you’re feeling this way, you might be what is known as “a Rescuer.”

Rescuers think it’s their job to save others from harm. They think it’s the noble and holy path to take. 

I don’t agree. There isn’t anything noble or holy about your outcomes. Keep reading.

Most of my clients who are Rescuers complain constantly about feeling they’re taken advantage of because no one seems to reciprocate when they are in need.

They don’t feel others care as much as they do (which is a slippery slope of judgment and misunderstanding.)  

The truth is, people show that they care in different ways. And one of the most important ways to show you care is not to care so much that you end up carrying. 

Carrying the other person over, around, and past consequences prevents them from learning from their mistakes and growing wiser. 

Carrying them through their tough life battles prevents them from building resiliency and, in turn, self-worth. 

Carrying too much causes others to become ‘enabled’ vs empowered. And, in the years ahead, they may even come to view this as your way of showing a lack of confidence in them - which creates loads of resentment for your choices. 

A better way of caring looks like this:

When someone asks for your help, provide encouragement and a safe place to share. “You got this! I believe in you! Want a sounding board to talk things through?” 

And even better still, before you parachute in with grand thoughts of knowing just what they need, pause and decide instead to use this important (and habit altering) phrase: 

“I’m here to support you. Please let me know specifically how you’d like me to help.” 

Then, stop talking and listen deeply.  Respond as they request. Period.

From this day forward, my hope is that you will have the self-awareness to know when you are caring vs carrying, and you’ll choose what’s best for all involved.

Self-awareness is, in fact, the beginning of all the best transformations.

If you’d like some support to find your way to radical self-awareness, self-compassion, and self-mastery, reach out HERE. It’s never too late to get personalized, deep caring that can help you create the life and career of your dreams. I’ll look forward to assisting you in the way best suited for only you!!